just some thoughts...

so, i was looking at a fellow peru yav's blogspot, and i feel like such an amateur. she has so much information up from where she is going to how she feels about using a digital camera while she is there. i never really thought that i compared myself to others like this, but man, maybe i do.
and it makes me think of the fact that i had to overnight my packet of information because i had my will notorized the day before paperwork was due, while yet another peru yav had had her stuff in at least a month beforehand.

we have these books we have to read about going in to missions, and if this is the right decision. taking into account how our friends and family feels about us leaving for so long. what kind of work we are expecting. and they do make me stop to think what i have gotten myself into. what decision did i make and how did i come to it? why on earth am i spending my summer learning spanish (?por que estoy aprendiendo espanol en el verano?) i have never wanted to go to south america, i have never wanted to learn spanish. i like french, and japanese, and sailing and running.

despite my best efforts to discourage myself. something is still calling me. it started about a year ago with a single thought, "get out of the US." and then turned into "do something." "make a difference." "change." and the words have changed into actions. not my own actions, but assurances coming from people around me. My sister just happened to take her honeymoon in Peru. My french teacher just happened to teach a really intense summer spanish course. Four friend from different periods of my life all happen to be going to Peru to hike the Inca Trail. An older couple from my church were missionaries in Peru back in the 50's or 60's. My mom met a young man about my age at a conference in some southern state who spent a year in volunteer service in Lima and if I happen to have any questions or need someone to talk to, he is there.

And then there is the story my father shared with me.

I never met my real grandfather. He passed away from pneumonia when my dad was 12 or 13 years old. He had been witnessing at a bar and a man ended up taking his car, jacket and shoes leaving him to walk over three miles home in a colorado winter. Before he had died, he had really wanted to do some mission work and had convinced my grandma that after the kids had grown that they should go to Peru. and she had agreed. He obviously died before they went, but this is the story that has calmed my father's heart about my leaving for Peru.

So, to my point. Though I am scared, nervous, and impossibly disorganized about leaving. In my life, I have found the things that were the most worth doing were the things that scared me, made me nervous, and I had a hard time keeping organized.

This is worth doing.

all for me for now.